This is a question that comes up often in my sessions with clients. I think we live in a world where worry is normalised. We are often expected to worry about things and when we don’t, it can feel like we are not taking things seriously enough.
Commonly people I work with have similar reasons for worrying, such as;
· Worrying means I care.
· I can be prepared for things.
· It means I can plan.
· It helps me solve problems.
· I can anticipate danger and keep safe.
But is it worrying that’s making the difference, or would we achieve all these things anyway?
Often, we believe that by thinking through every scenario we can be ready for things and resolve situations. That way, we’ll always be ahead of the game. No surprises.
They’ll be no uncertainty because people who worry don’t usually like being uncertain. It feels uncomfortable. They want to know what’s going to happen. They want a plan. Even a bad plan can seem better than no plan at all.
So, we worry.
But let’s consider how worry actually makes us feel compared to the aim of it;
Belief about worry Reality of worry
Worrying means I care When I worry I feel more stressed, it’s hard to be present.
I can be prepared for things Worrying makes me second guess myself.
It means I can plan There are too many options, I don’t know what to do.
It helps me solve problems My confidence is undermined, I don’t trust my judgement.
I can anticipate danger & keep safe I’m on high alert all the time, it stops me doing things.
So, what does this tell us?
· My level of worry is not evidence that I take things seriously, I still care even if I am not worrying.
· I can use my knowledge and experience to prepare for things without having to worry.
· I can look at the reality of a situation and identify what I have to work with.
· I can notice what I am bringing, the skills I bring to problem solving and make expectations realistic.
· I can identify what I can control; I can risk assess and decide how to move forward.
When you reflect on this, I would challenge you to think about all the things you achieve each day and all the ways you organise yourself without worrying. Then maybe think about what skills and experience you bring to all the everyday things you navigate through, acknowledge those strengths and lean into them without relying on worry. See what happens.
Have a wonderful week! 😊
